wanderstars | ( erku ) inbox

[Her initial soft touch on his cheek sends a spark through him, a reaction not normally produced from gentle pressure. He has no time to consider the implications of it, that something broke through, before her fingers are at his throat again and the more familiar pleasure evoked from roughness settles in. His breathing is shallow and shuddering as she moves slowly, agonizingly, shifting the tension and compression around his cock. It's a strain to stay still and not take more than she allows, but her claim was clear. Even so, involuntary twitches are unavoidable, as are the needful moans rising from inside him. With every movement of her hips, he gets closer, but she doesn't stay in one position quite long enough, pressure shifting just before triggering an orgasm, a teasing that he hasn't experienced before. He likes it, but there's only so much he can take.]

Please...

[He doesn't specify what he wants, biting his lip, because he shouldn't make demands. Holding back on that alone gives him a moment of excitement adding to his growing urgency for release.]

Mm, but you feel so good like this...

[ She shudders with each roll of his hips, each circle she draws on top of him. She can feel each shift of his cock, angle changing but not quite doing anything more than that, something that might have gotten him off, as well as herself. She can hold off, for the sheer pleasure of watching him writhe and whimper beneath her, surrendering completely. ]

Say you're mine.

[ She presses her fingers down, hotter now, not enough to choke him again, but definitely trying to leave a light burn mark behind. Nothing serious, of course... just enough for him to remember who he belongs to every time he looks in the mirror. ]

Say it, and I'll let you come.

[There's a moment where what he feels goes so far beyond lust, he can't describe it, even to himself. But he knows that this is what he's wanted for some time, to belong to someone again. It may not be for long, but just this, right now, it's enough. He doesn't say it right away, breathing slowly and savouring the burning heat from her fingers as all other sensations are shoved aside. When he speaks, it's a little anticlimactic, devoid of whining or desperate undertones; it's soft and quiet. It's surrender.]

Yours... I'm yours.

[ Kori's smile widens into something sharper, victorious and satisfied. There's power in it too, like the hold she has on his neck, the strength so superior to his own, and it's a particular delight to feel him surrendering to her like this.

But she will be good to him, of course. She promised she would let him come, and she will. With those words, she begins moving her hips now, not a slow grinding motion now so much as lifting herself up and down on top of him, cock slipping in and out of him, burying deep each times she sinks down on his lap. Before long she's riding his cock at a fast, demanding pace, panting and gasping loudly as her hips work frantically against his, her knees spread wider and her cunt clenches eagerly around his erection each time, her back arching slightly and head tipping back so he can enjoy the view of her breasts bouncing while she rides him towards both their climaxes. ]

[He needs to come, but he still holds off as long as he can, even seconds longer on edge a success. His low moans get louder with every hard squeeze of her muscles around his cock. Though he's seen Kori, all of her, so many times, Akira has never been too concerned or focused on physical beauty, though objectively recognizing it. In this moment, he thinks she's truly beautiful. Powerful and captivating, an image that will stay with him.

With a sharp intake of breath, he comes, muscles stiffening and fingers digging into the sheets.]

[ The way he tries to linger and hold back is lovely, and it gives her the time to reach her own peak. She reaches down to stroke her clit in fast flicks of her fingertips, moaning and gasping in tandem with the pace of her hips, and when he comes she too lets out a loud cry, as though the way he spills inside her floods her with her own orgasm. She comes with flames flaring up her arms, and her palm heats up more against his skin too, leaving another small reddened mark there before she moves it away.

She keeps riding hard and fast until they both have finished, and even then her hips keep moving in slower, steadier rolls. Panting, she blinks her eyes and looks down at him, warm smile on her face as she leans down to press a kiss to his lips. ]

[He tangles his fingers in her hair, but doesn't pull, returning the kiss gently. When he moves away, there's no smile in return, something that still escapes him, but his eyes reflect more emotion than usual, though perhaps still unreadable in what it is. He wants to say something; a sentiment, a thank you for giving him this, but nothing comes out.]

[ Kori doesn't mind, either way. Akira is expressive in his own way, he has means through which he expresses emotion and she can sense it in him clearly now too, how much he enjoyed that, how sated he is. It still doesn't stop a worried look from emerging on her face when she descends from her climax, only for the reality of the situation to hit her when she's no longer affected. ]

I hurt you...

[ Her fingers brush around one of the burn marks, careful not to touch it. ]

I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking...

[It hurts, in a different way, to hear Kori apologize for this; hurts in a way that he doesn't like, and it might be an emotion he had yet to experience or simply can't label.]

No.

[His voice is scratchy, but it's firm, more weight to it than Akira's typical responses. He covers her fingers with his, gently.]

It's okay... I wanted... It's what I wanted.

[The words are hard for him, but he doesn't want her to regret this, to feel badly about it, or guilty every time she sees him. He remembers her crying when he'd been hurt before, and it's something he doesn't want to see again, to be responsible for. This was a different kind of pain for him, and there are other feelings attached to it, which he may not be able to explain sufficiently, so for now, he doesn't try more than the simplest statement.]

It's what I need. To feel.

[ Kori still looks tense and unsure, but at least she stops when he catches her hand, holds it in place. She listens, and she tries to understand, no matter how few words he uses. ]

So you... liked it?

[ She doesn't sound too incredulous. She's met people before who enjoy some level of pain during sex, and she herself likes it when things get rougher too. But she can handle a lot more than he can, and she can dole out a lot more pain than his body would be able to withstand. She just doesn't want to push past any limits, even if he may have few. ]

I just don't want to cause you real harm.

[ Her frame relaxes, and her hand moves again, petting at the skin around the mark more gently. ]

We can do it again. Things like this, if you like them. But you must tell me if it's ever too much.

[There's a long pause before he says anything further, trying to put it all into words. Even if Kori understands him better than a lot of people, can pick up on things; Akira still wants to be direct, to not leave any room for doubt or misinterpretations of why he wants to be hurt, aware that he gives off mixed signals most of the time and he's difficult to read. He needs to say it, because she could easily go too far if he doesn't communicate, through no fault of her own. He's quiet, and a little meandering about it, but he'll finish his thoughts and explanations as well as he can; even if what he reveals may change her opinion of him and her willingness to engage in this. She's not obligated to deal with his issues.]

I don't... feel things... the way I'm supposed to, the way other people do. I don't know why. It's always been like this... Emotions just... aren't there. It's dull and numb and I can't separate what little I do feel from physical sensations. It's nothing, just this... state of nothing, nothing inside, or panic, and that's it. There's different levels of it, and I don't know if it's... Panic is the only way I can describe it, but it might be other things...

[He feels it right now, skin crawling with uneasiness, and there's no root cause of it. He wants to stop speaking, because it will go away after he does, let him sink back into a void of apathy that he both wants to embrace and to be rid of.]

I can't... I don't make connections... Once, I had... I had one person, but I didn't know that I did feel anything for him until he died. I didn't... understand it. I don't feel... happy, or sad, or... anything. And pain... changes that. It makes me feel... alive. I used to... I used to look at the dead bodies when they brought them back from the front lines, and I thought... there's no difference between them, and me. Inside. That if I were to die... it would be the same as it is now, only my body would stop working.

[Akira's never told anyone this, but it's something he dreams about, the bodies and how he felt more like them. He hasn't gotten past it, that categorization of himself as a husk, a shell of a person, incomplete and not real.]

When I feel pain, I exist.

[He knows it doesn't makes sense. He knows there's something wrong with him, but he never used to care. That he does now, it's concerning in its own way.]

[ He is right in thinking that she might not fully understand; she doesn't, not really. But she does listen, and she does try to see things from his perspective, or to try to see the world, or his own existence, through his eyes.

It's not easy. Hearing the things he says is especially difficult, particularly painful, because she wishes, she wants to be able to make him feel, to not think of himself as just some shell, something hollow and empty of life. How can he not feel? How can he be so sweet, yet now tell her that he makes no connection, that he's not really here at all?

Would it even help to ask? Would it not make it even more difficult for him, when it's clearly something he's struggling with? Is it perhaps selfish of her to do so?

Is it wrong to just expect him to be like everyone else, instead of just accepting him as he is?

Her mouth probably opens and closes a few times as she struggles with her own thoughts, her own feelings on this. In a stark contrast to him, emotion wells in her far too easily, and she can feel tears in her eyes, though she's not sure what she's sad about. Just that she is sad. She leans down to press into him, pulling him into a hug, even if gentleness is the direct opposite of what he's just told her he needs to be able to feel, and therefore exist. ]

[He waits for her reaction, and the longer he sees her struggle with it, not knowing what to say... part of him thinks he shouldn't have said anything. He's making her cry again. It's changed things, and she doesn't understand, but that's okay. He didn't expect anything different. If she doesn't just leave, walk out and never acknowledge him again, it's the best outcome he thinks possible.

When she holds him, gently, it only makes him feel more disconnected and lost. It's something simple, something that's supposed to be comforting, and the fact that he knows this is what makes it hard. Because it isn't that way for him, and has never been. Slowly, he moves to wrap his arms around her, but it's not for himself that he does. It's for her, because she's upset.]

I'm sorry.

[He says it because he knows he hurt her; not why it hurt, only that it did. And that's one step beyond how oblivious to others' emotions he used to be.]

[ It's supposed to be comforting, but after what he's told her, she soon realizes she's doing it more for her own sake than his. It makes her appreciate all the more the way he holds her too, the care that he puts in that gesture, the fact that he's at least aware enough that it helps make her feel better. ]

Oh, don't be sorry, [ She chuckles a little, pulling back and wiping a hand quickly under her eyes. ] People have told me before I'm too emotional. It might be that they're right.

[ Slowly, she shifts off of him, then settles down on the bed beside him, still close. ]

If it helps you feel, then... I will do it again, for you. I want to make you feel like you exist.

[He feels something, some tiny pull at his insides when she doesn't leave, when she says she'll do this for him again. Somewhere in there are the seeds of emotions that were never cultivated; not enough, not developed in any way that allows him to name them, but for him it's significant in that it's noticeable at all. Anything is better than nothing. He shifts to face her and slides one hand across her stomach to place his fingers gently above her hip. It's not exactly an embrace, but a contented touch, just to feel the heat of her skin and know she's not going to leave. An acknowledgement to himself that he doesn't want to be alone.]

... Thank you.

[ Regardless of her experiences when it comes to sex, and whatever kinks she might not often indulge in, above all else she wants to make her partners to feel pleasure, and in this particular case, she wants Akira to be happy— or as happy as he can be, whatever shape that may take. It's not conventional, she can recognize that much, but it doesn't mean it's wrong, and if it makes him feel alive, then that's all she can wish for. ]

Of course.

[ She smiles at his words, and kisses his forehead, because as rough as she can be, she can't not be gentle as well, sometimes. For now it seems he's content to just lie with her, and she is all too glad for the proximity, her eyes closing as she curls up close and cuddles up against him comfortably. ]

Edited 2021-05-05 22:18 (UTC)

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